Odd Jobs
By Diane Ako
The oddest job I've done is corpse makeup. Fo' real. I have a link (wink wink) to the funeral industry. (I'm married to a mortuary owner.)
This was when Claus first started Moanalua Mortuary. There was one full time mortician and they were busy one weekend. I offered to help her by finishing up the bodies. I like to be helpful. That's all. I'm practical. My husband needs my help, I'll do what I can.
I figured, I'd been doing my own makeup long enough that I could do it for someone else, right? I have done my girlfriends and some of my guy friends, too. I can do a pretty decent job on other people.
It was very weird to get up close to a dead body for the first time, with the intention of actually handling it. I had to ease myself in over a few visits. Just because I'm a news reporter and I report about death a lot, doesn't mean I actually touch dead people. (Oddly, I still can't handle picking up a dead large roach, but humans- OK.)
Since I was there, I watched the embalming, before it was time for makeup. I learned you should comb the hair in place while the formaldehyde is going in, because the hair follicles will set in place pretty quickly.
Here is the surprising thing. I found it harder to put makeup on a corpse. The skin doesn't move. It's like painting a rock. Also, they don't need a lot of eyeshadow. It's 99 percent having a life-like foundation (helped by the selection of the correct, life-like embalming tint). Then some blush, and we're good to go.
Another thing you would never consider is that the right side of the face is seen more because that's the side that mourners approach. If you're going to experiment with finding the right color, do it on the left.
I wanted to give them a makeover. But the rule is, you have to make them look like they did in life. You use a photograph supplied by the family as a guide. So even if you KNOW Joan Crawford pencil eyebrows and candy apple red lipstick is so last season, you can't update their look. The family wants to see someone they recognize.
Then, I manicured their nails and fixed their hair. I only did a few bodies. It was an interesting experience. While Hawaii is too small to pay an actual makeup artist at each funeral home, I hear you can actually make good money off that in a larger city like LA.
Which strikes me as a little funny that the same could be said of makeup artists in the TV news industry. People always think we have makeup artists doing our makeup, but no. It's just us. If you care, you send yourself to a few lessons, and then you eventually get better because you have to put it on yourself every day.
What's your oddest job?
Here's what fellow blogger and just all around cool chick Cat Toth said.
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YouTube Direkt
Oh, and here's a link to a feature shot on my husband's funeral home. It was on A&E. You Tube limits you to 10 minutes at a time, so it's in three parts.
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Also reach me via DianeAko.com
Small Talk
October 14th, 2009 at 6:06 am
fascinating...what an interesting profession. Was that Sandra Sagisi, the former news person in the video?
I saw "Departures" recently, a Japanese film that won the Oscars for best foreign film. If you haven't already, go see it. I think still playing at Kahala. Daigo the main character stumbles into a new job as a encoffiner, a person who cleans, dresses and prepares a body for the family prior to cremation. At first he is disgusted and repelled by the process but slowly embraces the profession and is actually a natural. It is almost like watching a traditional tea ceremony with the formality and dignity.
October 14th, 2009 at 6:53 am
hemajang, I thought about Departures, too, when I read this blog. You did a great job of summarizing.
I didn't have any really odd jobs, but one of the most fun was a "tasty girl", handing out food samples.
October 14th, 2009 at 7:52 am
THIS IS MY GIRL....part 3 is funny she put heavy makeup...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DLGwlkvaKM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHbAnNjiDow&feature=related
My Girl [Part 3/11]
October 14th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Wow, can't beat that job, and I am not sure that I could do it either.
Well, I guess another good thing about that job is the person getting made-up doesn't complain too much.
October 14th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Interesting job. I haven't had any kind of odd job to write about. I just had the usual kinds of jobs that people in Hawaii do...cannery worker, salesgirl, Avon Lady. I read somewhere that Whoopi Goldberg worked as a corpse beautician at one time, too.
October 14th, 2009 at 10:14 am
I see your business all the time from the H-1 but had no idea it was your husband's! I think I could do the makeup job but I wouldn't want to be the funeral director. It's too depressing to work with sad people all the time. I've planned my own funeral: music, food, who will speak, etc. Even when I'm gone, I want it done my way!
October 14th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Having thought about it, I am determined to insist on a no-viewing policy for my funeral service. I want nothing but an urn full of ashes...and a picture of me in my 20s
If my wishes are not honored, I will leap out of the box and throw myself on the nearest hibachi that I can find.
October 14th, 2009 at 11:37 am
HEY i want fangs and cleopatra make up...funny....VIEW THAT funny...my mom will pary for my soul to go to hell for sure...funny!okay oen girl said she wants to be mummyfied...well I pick the fangs and my eyes open with a smile with my cleopatra eyes....
October 14th, 2009 at 11:39 am
yes my mom will pray for me so no problem she can view my casket ...YES TORTURE HER SOME MORE....yes fancy cleopatra outfit ...omg funny my bucket dead list after I die!
October 14th, 2009 at 11:39 am
hey I will have red eyes to go with please...wow!
October 14th, 2009 at 11:42 am
I wonder can I sit up to be viewed ?
October 14th, 2009 at 11:48 am
yes you pick only a person that is easy to put makeup on..imagine OH DEAR!
October 14th, 2009 at 11:50 am
imagine what if they ask if grandma can wear her lingerie...what if they both died at the same time then they ask okay wedge us together...omg! OKAY OKAY i tell my husband okay I be on top okay..omg !
October 15th, 2009 at 8:15 am
I think I go straight to oven why bother with make up and freak the kids out..JUST SEND ME TO OVEN AT PEACE ....!
October 15th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Peer Mentor for incoming college Freshman.
Not such an odd job, except that it took me 7 years to get a bachelors degree... I'm almost 100% certain that some of them graduated before I did.
October 15th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
only her hairdresser knows, or something like dat.
October 19th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Oh WOW! that is an odd job. BUT I must say my sister's dream job is to work in a mortuary! WHY IDK she's weird lol. Since we were little she always told me she wanted to work with the dead. Hey diane by any chance does your husband need any help with his motuary? I know my sister would be more then happy to help. She's an MA, while going school she was hapai and couldn't get an intership to work in a mortuary. I guess because the chemicals and what not. She eventually wants to open up her own. Maybe your husband has a suggestion?