Small Talk

Entertain me!

December 23rd, 2009

When I was a pre-teen, I watched my cousin Janice - who is like a big sister to me - prepare for the Narcissus pageant for a couple years. I remember my aunt turning her sights on me, next, hoping to groom the next Miss Hawaii or something with a tiara that didn't involve a night out at Fusions.

Copy of DSCN9679

Jan and me

I was painfully shy and disinterested in any kind of stage talent. I declined. I would rather read books. (Still would.) I think Aunt Roz was disappointed, because it wasn't a stretch to envision me as liking the spotlight. My mother was a Vegas showgirl. My father is a classical pianist and a total ham.


Aunt Roz

I crossed the spotlight gene with my love of books in my former career choice as a newscaster. It involves talent, but not the kind that would garner any kind of crowns.

Which brings me to this. My friend Jim Bryan is putting on a new variety show. "Aloha Kia Presents Entertain Me" premieres at 9 p.m. January 23, 2010 on KHON. Acts include singers, dancers, ventriloquists, impersonators, clowns, and the like. He calls it the "classic variety show" but a little edgy. Sounds great.

And then he invited me to go on the show. Wha-? Bw-ha-ha-ha-ha! I have no talent. Come on! I don't even do karaoke, and I'm from Kamehameha! Go figure!

He insisted it doesn't have to be actual talent. I could be entertainingly bad, like the people who do stupid human tricks on Dave Letterman. But no. I can't blow a balloon via my ear. I can't pop out my eyeballs. I'm pathetic. I have no good talent, and no bad talent.

I'm double jointed. Does that count? So far my only hidden talent is cutting key blanks. I worked briefly at a hardware store in college.

For now, we'll settle for me being in the studio audience. If you'd like to check it out, you are welcome to go! It's free, and it's open to the public. Drinks & food are cheap. It's at Hawaiian Brian's on 1680 Kapiolani Blvd. Pass it on to your friends.

To see the trailer:

If you have a talent, even better. To audition, call (808) 528-1073. Let me know if you get on and I'll watch for you!

6 Responses to “Entertain me!”

  1. oldshoes:

    Can u cut key blanks to the soundtrack of "The Sound of Music?". That would make for an entertaining segment. I'd pay to see that.....

  2. Diane Ako:

    oldshoes- OK, but only if you don't care that the keys then work in the lock! LOL!

  3. DP:

    Just finished watching "Entertain me!"
    (Are you really involved with that production?)

    I am sorry to say that this show totally missed the mark.

    Don't get me wrong.. the advertisements, trailers (You tube) and posters were good enough to make me curious enough to watch it however... the actual show...from the boring host, to an insulting and not very funny... Chris (the x portagee)clown, to the terrible camera work, to the awful audio mixing in post production was enough to make me laugh!!! Now... that was funny!!!!

    Was the talent presented supposed to be less than perfect for now...only to bring them back later to redeem themselves??? Too late for the aspiring just let their talent stock drop to a little less than 10%. I believe you may have caused some irrefutable damage to these good and talented performers.
    You guys need to take a better look at the Ed Sullivan Show again...because you're definitely not even in the same ball park, or state for that matter. If I was a major sponsor, I would be thinking about pulling my support for this show until you get it right.....If you guy's are looking for national exposure (syndication) or what better not hold your breath. You need to make some changes... quick!!!!
    Some suggestions....
    1. Get rid of that terribly dressed and boring host ( He is a great radio host
    but,... not for TV..... he has a personality of a rock more and no
    less...just there.) He should be the "color" of the show, not the "BLACK
    2. Get some live orchestra behind the (new) host. Look at all the late talk
    shows(I know, different concept)... they are doing it!?!?!?!
    3. Get rid of that real clown behind the outfit. (Nearly crushing and suffocating
    one of Hawaii's talented entertainers from The Makaha Sons while doing
    an disrespectful...)
    4. Need to get a better production crew. The camera work was awful. What
    ever happen to the "rule of thirds" on the camera? close ups. medium
    shots, No creative fade in or outs..the audio was flat and not very helpful to
    the entertainers. The simple stage curtain back drops...ugly and attractive
    as they come

    the list goes on and on...this is just for starters.....

  4. Diane Ako:

    Dear DP,
    You might be a wonderfully skilled technical person, but reading and desk jockey tasks clearly aren't your forte. To your rhetorically condescending sniff "Are you really involved with that production?", I said Entertain Me was my friend's deal. I was invited to perform, and declined due to my own lack of stage talent. I'm not sure how you contrived out of my blog that I was somehow more involved than that. Kindly read the not-very-fine print before hauling off and slamming me.

    As for the criticisms, I haven't actually seen the show so I can't respond, though I'd like to defend my friends working on it and producing it. They are really nice people just trying to do something different. Can you cut a brotha' some slack?

    Lastly, if you are really serious about offering some constructive help, how about couching it in a way that the recipient will actually want to receive? Do you really mean well, or are you just enjoying putting others down because it makes you feel better about having your own bad day?

  5. DP:

    Hello Diane,
    My apologies for the "condescending sniff" I did not mean to insult your intelligence or speak ill fully of you. I believe that you are a professional in every sense of the word and I was just surprise that the poor quality of show was linked to you via the article on this blog. Unfortunately, their website did not have a "comment" section so I vented to you.

    I am sure that some your friends working on it are nice people but the creative minds behind it totally blew it. Please view the show and see what I mean.

    I also had a good friend that was one of the entertainers on the show and let me tell you.....Not- so- very- nice- words, came out of that person about the show. This person felt ashamed, ridiculed and used at the expense of that terrible show. This show will definitely destroy any of their chances and make a laughing stock out of the bunch. I believe Hawaii has some really talented entertainers and they all work hard at their craft to"make it" in this, not so forgiving industry, and any opportunity for exposure is always, and should always be a positive one NOT a negative one.

    Yes, I may have been a little too critical with the way they handled their production and presentation but, I hate to see substandard work being done in our local industry. It's embarrassing and unprofessional. It reflects on each and everyone of us in the business.

    And no.... I was not having a bad day. I just called it as I saw it.

    Also, I do mean well and I would love to give them some constructive help, (they most certainly need it.) but not at the risk of embarrassing an entertainer.

    And finally....Diane, please accept my sincere apology for "hauling you off and slamming you" That was not my intent.
    Yes, you got it right...."desk jockey tasks and reading" are not my favorite forte, I'd rather be out on the golf course!!! Aloha. DP

  6. Diane Ako:

    Dear DP, Apology accepted! Thanks for dialogue.

    I understand what you are saying about being frustrated with the quality of local TV in general. Sometimes we at KHNL would look at LA or SF newscasts and think, "How can I compete against those resources?" This is when we're all forced to compete together in the regional Emmys. Come on!

    As for Entertain Me, I still have to stand by my friend. He works hard and I'm sure he's trying his best. He's a great guy. I will go make it a point to look at it now.

    Don't read into it that I haven't seen it yet. I don't watch TV. When I was still in the news, I'd have to force myself to watch the local shows like "homework." I much prefer to listen to NPR or read Time magazine for my information.

    And when I do watch any kind of video, the closer it gets to a news type show, the less I can enjoy it as a viewer, since I end up dissecting it as an insider. "Oh, look at the jump cut. He must have been rushing. Steady now. Should have picked up a tripod. This talent's voice is so nasal. That talent's got the singsongy voice of a rookie." You know how it goes. Working in news has forever ruined TV watching for me 🙂 LOL

Leave a Reply

By participating in online discussions you acknowledge that you have agreed to the Star-Advertiser's TERMS OF SERVICE. An insightful discussion of ideas and viewpoints is encouraged, but comments must be civil and in good taste, with no personal attacks. Because only subscribers are allowed to comment, we have your personal information and are able to contact you. If your comments are inappropriate, you may be banned from posting. To report comments that you believe do not follow our guidelines, email

Recent Posts

Recent Comments