By Diane Ako
When I was a pre-teen, I watched my cousin Janice - who is like a big sister to me - prepare for the Narcissus pageant for a couple years. I remember my aunt turning her sights on me, next, hoping to groom the next Miss Hawaii or something with a tiara that didn't involve a night out at Fusions.
I was painfully shy and disinterested in any kind of stage talent. I declined. I would rather read books. (Still would.) I think Aunt Roz was disappointed, because it wasn't a stretch to envision me as liking the spotlight. My mother was a Vegas showgirl. My father is a classical pianist and a total ham.
I crossed the spotlight gene with my love of books in my former career choice as a newscaster. It involves talent, but not the kind that would garner any kind of crowns.
Which brings me to this. My friend Jim Bryan is putting on a new variety show. "Aloha Kia Presents Entertain Me" premieres at 9 p.m. January 23, 2010 on KHON. Acts include singers, dancers, ventriloquists, impersonators, clowns, and the like. He calls it the "classic variety show" but a little edgy. Sounds great.
And then he invited me to go on the show. Wha-? Bw-ha-ha-ha-ha! I have no talent. Come on! I don't even do karaoke, and I'm from Kamehameha! Go figure!
He insisted it doesn't have to be actual talent. I could be entertainingly bad, like the people who do stupid human tricks on Dave Letterman. But no. I can't blow a balloon via my ear. I can't pop out my eyeballs. I'm pathetic. I have no good talent, and no bad talent.
I'm double jointed. Does that count? So far my only hidden talent is cutting key blanks. I worked briefly at a hardware store in college.
For now, we'll settle for me being in the studio audience. If you'd like to check it out, you are welcome to go! It's free, and it's open to the public. Drinks & food are cheap. It's at Hawaiian Brian's on 1680 Kapiolani Blvd. Pass it on to your friends.
To see the trailer:
If you have a talent, even better. To audition, call (808) 528-1073. Let me know if you get on and I'll watch for you!