Small Talk

Nipple cream and bird poop

March 23rd, 2010

Claus had some dry skin affliction on his hand and the dermatologist told him to use lanolin lotion. There's a popular creme called Lansinoh that hospital gives to all new moms. I got a half ounce sample when I gave birth, and was told to use it on my nipples to prevent cracking during breastfeeding.

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I still have my old tube in our medicine cabinet and he sees it all the time.  Though I stopped breastfeeding over a year ago, I now use the ointment for chapped lips. He saw it and pilfered it last week.

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"Why is my Lansinoh in your toiletry bag?" I puzzled. When he told me that he needs it for his hand, I offered to get the other tube I left at my parents'. I'm sure it's there. Nothing gets thrown away there.

So I rang my mother. "Mom, long ago I left a tube of cream at your house. Is it still in your bedroom? Can you look for it? Claus needs it."

"Sure," she said. "Tell me what it looks like."

"It's purple, the brand is Lansinoh, and it says For Breastfeeding Mothers on the front."

Pause.

"For who again?" she asked.

BIRD POOP AND WRINKLES

Claus was packing for our weekender to St. Regis Princeville. I have packed days ago. It is the night before, and he is going through his closet for smart-casual polo shirts for the restaurant. "What's this?!" I hear him saying. "And this? What the heck?"

He comes out and shows me whitish smears on his shirts. "Is this gum? Crusty laundry detergent? What is this?" he exasperatedly exclaims. (I would later look at it in bright sunlight and figure out it's a moth cocoon.)
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I'm talking. Now I have to stop my train of thought and look at stupid white stains on his shirts. "I dunno," I say. "Bird poop? I line dry these outside sometimes," I guess.

"Bird poop?" He's totally annoyed. He rolls his eyes and goes back to the closet to find another polo. Then he's mad again. "This one is wrinkled!" He's totally huffy now. He has three polos and all are flawed in some way.

"I'll wash it again for you," I offer.

"We're leaving in the morning! There's no time! Bird poop!" he snorts.

"Well, that's your fault for being so last minute," I sniff back.

He comes to the bed with three polos for me to choose from. "Well, what's it going to be? Bird poop or wrinkles for the fancy resort restaurant?"

I decide to antagonize him. "Bird poop." I point to the darkest color shirt. He glares at me. I have called his bluff. He returns to the closet a third time to find something clean.

Since the aloha shirts have patterns, he wants to know what dress I'm wearing, so that we don't clash. "Bird poop," I tease. "With wrinkles."

***

You can also reach me at Diane@DianeAko.com

13 Responses to “Nipple cream and bird poop”

  1. hawaiiobsessed:

    Gotta love that "nipple cream"! There is another one called "bag balm" for goats and cows teats. It is in a green, square, metal tin. Good stuff, for real. It is kind of stinky tho where the lansinoh doesn't have an odor. Have a great weekend at St. Regis, bird poop and all! :>)


  2. Sam Urai:

    Great sensuous article-have fun this weekend with ......................


  3. maxcat:

    Funny story, it's part if what makes marriage fun. Hope Claus laughed at your ending lines.


  4. gigi-hawaii:

    LOL. Hilarious! But who the heck line dries their clothes nowadays? I put everything in my electric dryer.


  5. theDman:

    Have to echo what gigi-hawaii said. With all the rain we get, line-drying can be a test of patience.


  6. Rosette:

    if my husband complain I tell him go tell someone that cares and I tell him get lost ! ....lucky for me my husband is blind as bat and doesn't notice if his shirt is wrinkle or crap on his shirt! I tell him your fault to cheap to buy more shirt!


  7. Rosette:

    you know what my father in law gave my husband for his dry hand ...some sort of horses hooves thingy that stinks I
    so was so mad I usually throw creams out especially my husband cream has heavy scent ..so when my husband is away I throw his stinky creams out!


  8. Rosette:

    and if my husbnad packs I tell don't pester me about his issues so it is quiet..he get yelling at me if he pester me.


  9. Diane Ako:

    gigi-hawaii, Me! It's a small effort to reduce my carbon footprint. I also like to recycle everything, use canvas bags (or sometimes no bags if I forgot and I only bought one item), and return wire hangers to the dry cleaner. I just pace it out so that I make sure to do a load every other day, so that I have enough room on the lines. It atually helps in that I don't have four loads of laundry staring at me come week's end.

    hawaiiobsessed, Bag Balm? Is that what you guys are using in New Mexico? 🙂


  10. Rodney Lee:

    Wow Diane. You know how to dish it out, eh? Here Claus is all futless, yet you remain calm and mess with his head. LOL

    But like maxcat said, it's part of what makes marriage fun.


  11. hawaiiobsessed:

    well, Diane, lets just say we come from an "agricultural" background. ha ha! That smell is unmistakable but it works! :>)

    Speaking of smells, there isn't much that smells better than sheets dried on the clothes line! The only thing that doesn't work really well on the line are towels. Like drying off with sand paper.


  12. zzzzzz:

    We have a clothesline in our garage. I can line dry even when it rains.


  13. Diane Ako:

    zzzzz, I wanted to put a line in my garage, but no more room.


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