On a rare date night, Claus took me to see The Dilemma. We normally like more thoughtful movies (The King's Speech), but that night, we wanted to just coast on auto-pilot and have some easy laughs. Too much brain-drain all week. Need something that requires no thinking.
If you don't know, the movie is about a man who finds out his best friend's wife is having an affair, and all the ways he tries to tell this friend. The plot was pretty silly and not all that credible, but we knew what we were getting into.
Here's the foreshadowing question that sets up the movie in the first scene: Can you ever really know somebody completely? And when does that moment come? The two couples are sitting around a dinner table debating the answer to that. Naturally, one couple's answer is yes, and the other couple's answer is no.
Oscar Wilde said, "The final mystery is oneself." To the degree that one can know oneself fully, then a person can get to know his partner fully. That was, at least, my initial answer. I thought I knew all there was to know about my husband after a decade with him.
However, the next day, Claus and I were having a conversation about friendships, and he said he was a bad keep-in-toucher. "Really?" I exclaimed. "But you have your circle of high school friends in Denmark who you see every other year. You seem pretty close to them."
"Yes, but I only write to them once a year. Twice, if the second e mail consists of my travel dates home," he corrected.
I had always thought he was a good long-distance friend. He said he isn't. He gave me an example of an adult friendship that fell by the wayside due to neglect. Apparently, it's the tight bonds of youth that keeps his Danish friendships alive.
I was truly surprised to have to re-frame my perspective of Claus as an absentee friend. I mean, he makes an effort to keep in touch with me when I'm on a trip. I guess that's different.
My question to you is: Can you ever really know somebody completely? And when does that moment come?
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