Small Talk

Online Cupid

June 29th, 2012

My poor male friend - let's call him Dane, not his real name. He is on a MISSION to get a girlfriend.

For some reason, he's exhausted his network of friends from work and his extracurricular hobbies, and on 1/1/12, signed up for an online dating site. I didn't realize how single minded he is (no pun intended!), because he has gone on nearly 30 first dates this year.

When we meet, my usual question is, "How's your latest dates?" and he will go into this litany of crazy/disappointing/rude/ or simply no-chemistry circumstances. I have encouraged him to pen a book.

The last time we met, he had his computer, so I asked to see the womens' profiles. "I don't want to click their photo. If I go into their profile, they can see that I'm looking at them again," he worried.

"I really doubt they're monitoring every little movement," I countered. What do I know about online dating? Nothing. Maybe they are sitting at home with their screen up waiting for a {ping} to tell them someone's looking at them.

I once did a story in the early 2000's about online dating, and for work, I logged onto a site as myself. But after I got the info and interviews I needed, I removed my profile right away. I was already married.

So Dane let me look at the women he's been talking to. We did a little gossiping about that, then I asked him to see the wider website. I wanted to see what kind of men are on the site.

No real reason; I'm supercalifragistically happy with my husband. I am just a nosy person.

We went to the home page and he let me plug in search parameters (age, location, etc). There was a search tool I was not familiar with, which is essentially is a compatibility meter. You can request to be matched up by how compatible you are, as determined by a quiz you take when signing up.

Why one wouldn't automatically select the compatible-meter is beyond me. Is someone searching for mates within 50 miles of their hometown, in the correct age bracket, but incompatible with them?

What is that person thinking? "I like drama! I want to fight with my partner!" or "I want a sucky first date that doesn't evolve into a second date!"

Keeping in mind that I'm still logged in as Dane, I hit the compatible button and I got matched with a bunch of men who would be right for Dane, should he choose to get curious.

Dane, a sensitive person, fretted more that people looking at his profile would now see that he's instigated a search for single men.

I scrolled down the thumbnails. "I want to see what they say in their profile," I said.

He fretted more. "Don't. Now people can see that I'm actually looking at selected men. How will I get any women this way?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine," I laughed. In reality, I don't know how these sites work. Can you erase your search history on your own profile? Who can track your movements?

After a little while, he walked away from the counter to distract himself at the kitchen sink. "OK, you can click on it now," he acquiesced. "I just don't want to see it."

I think that's a cross between "If I don't see it, it's not really happening!" and the thing I do when I get blood drawn, which is look in the opposite direction because I just don't want to think about it. That's also what my dog does when I clip her nails.

I started looking into a few mens' profiles and making gossipy comments to Dane, across the room.

This nice guy has given me permission to look at women and look at men, under his login. He then thinks to say, with some alarm, "You better not message them!" (Of course I wouldn't do that.)

So if you are a straight male, ages 40-50, living in Honolulu, with a photo posted to your profile, and you noticed another guy checking you out last week, sorry. That was really just me poking around.

And if my movements were recorded and posted online to his profile, then I probably just wrecked his love life for the foreseeable future. Oops?

3 Responses to “Online Cupid”

  1. Rosette:

    OH send him to the show millionaire match maker t. v. can be in a room wedge million people and no match....!

  2. Rosette:

    so only 30 dates...get going to two million I am sure you will get lucky...omg!

  3. Carroll B. Merriman:


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