Modern dating
By Diane Ako
Apparently, the game of love is often played out over a cell phone screen. That's what I hear from my single friends, anyway.
I wouldn't know. I've been married over a decade, so texting wasn't popular when I was dating. It was invented, but it wasn't common.
Then, I read a hilarious article in the August 27 issue of Time magazine which confirms what I've noticed, and handily includes a flow chart to help figure out where one stands in the dating process.
It does change the game a little bit - one can now monitor the cell phone obsessively for a message - though really, it just boils down to the same strategy and positioning that existed way before cell phones or regular phones.
After I read Time's flow chart, I realized I'd actually participated in some of that angling, because I've listened to my single friend Dane's many stories about various first dates. He meets a lot of women online, so every miniscule move is amplified by the lack of familiarity by an awkward meeting of two strangers.
As ad hoc romantic advisor, I've analyzed his reports on what the girl said, when she said it, how she said it, and what he should do next. You texted her when? And then what did she say? Did she write you back immediately or was there a long time in between? Don't text her again. Too soon.
Still, I'm glad I conducted my love life in a pre-texting era. The paradox of all this technology is that people are losing the social skills to conduct face-to-face relationships; the human touch becomes lost in all this supposed connectivity.
What do you think? Does texting make dating easier or harder?
Small Talk
September 3rd, 2012 at 6:09 am
aloha Diane:
i don't know whether it makes it harder or e-z-er, but like u, i m concern about the face-2-face skills getting lost.
September 3rd, 2012 at 6:31 am
i think it's just another option, of many, on ways to meet, in addition to the 'traditional' methods such as the supermarket line, at church, blind date, friends of friends, the bar, etc. once the relationship is established after a (successful) first date, both have to make it work anyway (and face to face at that) no matter how or where they met. the dating principle hasn't changed at all.
September 3rd, 2012 at 7:26 am
Well, those falling in love-lub nowadays have what their past counterparts had available (i.e., sock hop, restaurants, walks on the beach, watching of submarine races) and this seeming can't-live-without portable tech'. So, heck -- as expected for any generation -- things are better-wayyyy more effective in terms of "ways to keep in tough-better ability to surveil"-ness in relationships.
But, in addition to conceivably being able to track your mate much easier than in generations' past (i.e., GPS device planted in other's mobile or), such tech' is, in true Crichton fashion, not without its sheer horrors.
One of 'em's regard to "breakup" situations. Love to (and, come on, all of you do, too -- with a few exceptions [read: those who have had the following, sadly, committed on them]) hear the occasional account reported by the media or other source (indeed, nuttiest is to hear an account regarding someone you know personally, eh?) of some coward (it's usually us men) texting their breakup -- or, gasp, deeeeeeeeeeevorce -- to d'a one d'ey used to love-lub. I mean, if the relationship went from soup to nuts, they know each others' relatives, and they knew enough about each other that would've made a spy agency go to either/or first if specific or esoteric information was needed by state security on him or her, texting a breakup is just simply, simply shameful and cowardly. But, the idea and actual commission of a breakup text, a Grease is sorry, but, that people opt to break up like that, that's just comical. I mean, how dare, right? Were such people conveyor belted by Cyberdyne Systems or something?
Think texting started in the early '80s at the earliest, no?