By Diane Ako
I have an iPad, and I recently figured out there's a dictation function on the keypad. There's a microphone icon by the space bar, and if you press it, it'll take dictation. Super awesome.
I've been using it quite a bit, but it's apparently jarring to the rest of my family. My habit is to sit around the living room and surf the internet while Claus and Olivia, and maybe my parents, are around. At random intervals, I'll yell into the keyboard with staccato bursts of words, like, "can of worms" or "grow plant sage." It's a lot like how people will raise their voices to speak to someone in a different language, as if volume helps people get the message clearer.
"Why can't you speak normally into it?" Claus asked one day, tired of tolerating these odd interruptions of calm.
"Because I think yelling helps block out the ambient noise," I said, then continued surfing and yelling like a crazy woman with the digital version of Tourettes Syndrome. To prove my point, I tried speaking normally into the machine. To aggravate me, Claus started yelling words out as well.
However, I double punched, meaning I didn't hit the record button when I thought I did, so when I went to stop it, I actually was just starting the recording. I didn't see the dictation appear on the computer right away, so I thought I proved my point.
"You're confusing my iPad," I gestured smugly. Then I realized it was recording. I hit the button to stop it.
The dictation appeared perfectly: your confusing my ipad. Claus laughed at me. "Do you even know how to use it?" he chuckled.
I had to go to my default response, honed from years of working on air in TV. "I'm talent. I don't touch the equipment per union rules. Don't hassle me," I countered. Then went right back to yelling into the iPad.