By Diane Ako
I was fully prepared for Olivia asking me about conventional birds and bees, but here is the first question she's ever broached on this subject: "Mommy, Kira said at school two girls in her class kissed. Do girls who aren't sisters or related, kiss?"
Inside my head, my hypothetical little duck feet are kicking and kicking while I get over the shock and try to think of a deflective answer. Outwardly, my eyebrows hit the ceiling, but I calmly said, "Doesn't Mommy kiss you?"
"Yes, but I mean two girls who aren't sisters or two grown up ladies who aren't sisters or related," she reiterated.
"Don't you kiss Kira?" I asked.
"Eew! No!" she exclaimed. "Well? Do they?" A reporter's persistence. This is really my kid.
"Ask your father," I redirected, choosing to throw Claus under this bus.
"Kiss? What?" Poor guy walked right into it. She asked him the question.
Husband was quick on his feet. "Well, people kiss as a very common greeting. Haven't you seen it happen? We do it all the time. The French kiss twice, once on each cheek," he explained.
"Not to be mistaken for French kiss," I laughed under my breath, within his earshot. I hope we haven't confused her more.
Mostly, I cannot believe we're fielding this question on lesbianism first, before even the time-worn Where do babies come from? query. She's only five! I'm not ready for this!