By Diane Ako
Brutal. So brutal.
I'm in the shower and my kid says, "You look pregnant." With surprise and disappointment, I look down at my stomach which is not, to my knowledge, full of life and ask, "Are you saying I look fat?"
She's six. She said, "I'm saying you look pregnant." Small extended finger pokes at my tummy. Sound of ego deflating heard in vicinity.
I think I'm holding up pretty decently, but maybe I need to rethink this exercise program because just last month, I walked into a party and the first, FIRST words out of the hostess' mouth were, "Are you pregnant?"
Like, I was in the middle of my greeting sentence. It goeth like this:
"Hi, I'm sorry we're late, we just "
"Are you pregnant?!"
"(stunned and flat silence for uncomfortable seconds) We just ran into traffic. No, I'm not pregnant. I guess I should get to a gym."
It's the hostess and it's an acquaintance (rather than a close friend you can rip into) so I can't be all rude and stuff, but I was on simmer for the first 20 minutes.
Now that I think about it, both these insults took place at the end of days that I consider bad days. The Universe sure has a sense of humor.