By Diane Ako
Someone called me Auntie. Someone local, at the recycling center. He saw my buckets of bottles and offered to carry them with me from the car.
I thanked him when we finished. "No problem, Auntie!" this man enthusiastically shaka-ed.
He looked to be 10 to 15 years younger than me.
Oh, snap. Someone 10 to 15 years younger than me wants to address me as Auntie?
Buuuuut... I suppose it's karma payback.
Last month I was at a party of Claus' friends consisting of the local University of Hawaii swimming/ water polo community. My high school classmate - we shall call him J.A. - and his sister swam at UH, but I had never met the sister.
Claus came walking up to me at this party with a woman. "Diane, I'd like you to meet J.A.'s --- "
I FOOLISHLY CUT HIM OFF AND FINISHED HIS SENTENCE WITH, "Mother?"
He said, "Or, sister."
Then the sister kind of groans and says, "Wow..."
I feel LIKE A TOTAL JERK.
JA's sister, if you're reading this figuring out it's you, I am SO SORRY. Actually, I really hope you are not reading this and being reminded of my horrible, horrible gaffe.
After the awkward pause in which I'm trying to figure out what to say to salvage this, I stutter, "No, sorry, I mean, so like, and I, well." I was so inarticulate, I made Miss Teen USA competitor South Carolina 2007 look like President Obama's speechwriter.
In my defense she is JA's older sister, but still. I know, my bad.
I could have opened a new Payless Shoe Source with all the feet I just pulled out of my mouth.