Small Talk

Parking fun!

December 23rd, 2013

Have you been to the mall in December? The parking lot is a zoo, right?

I had a few final gifts to buy, so I asked Claus if he'd drive me on Saturday and wait in the car while I ran in. You'd have thought I just asked him to walk barefoot to work in the rain naked, while piggybacking me.

"Why can't I come in?" he said.

"Parking is horrible," I repeated.

"What am I going to do in the car while you go in?" he persisted.

"Look at your iPhone. Read a magazine. Really? You can't just do this for me? You know I'm a fast shopper?" I bargained.

"But? The parking lot?" he whined.

I pointed out that I have never, ever asked him to do this in the 12 years we've been married and the one year we dated before that. Thirteen years of being with him and I have never before asked him to be my mall chauffeur.

After some grumbling, he finally relented, but not without lingering snide remarks (that continue to this day!) (EG: Upon arrival at grocery store, restaurant, or any place with parking lot: "Oh, should I wait in the car? Is that more fun?")

Snarky shopping list: "Mall- fun parking"

Snarky shopping list: "Mall- fun parking"

Saturday came, and as we drove in, he said, "I'm going to look for parking, and if I don't find anything, then you can go in."

I was so, so certain he would circle around in vain. Wouldn't you know it, he found a space within the first minute.

Open space, no waiting for the other car to leave. So smooth, like a hot knife through butter.

Would you like creme and sugar with that cup of condescension? You can imagine the look of disdain he gave me for even thinking to ask him to wait in the vehicle.

As we walked towards the shops, he saw another parked car with a man inside. "Oh, look. I'm sure his wife's in the mall somewhere."

So we zip through the gift list, as I promised I would. Last stop: I wanted to buy lipstick for myself.

We walk into the makeup shop and naturally, Olivia and I get really excited by all the colors and glitter. This is going to be our mother-daughter bonding activity, I'm sure, because we get so thrilled about looking at all the products and trying them on.

Claus is standing on the side trying not to get in females' way. "I'm glad you found a parking stall so easily," I smiled. "You're so helpful in holding my bags."

He looked worse for the wear. Tired. Irritated that he was standing around in a makeup shop being ground down by all the estrogen in the air.

My friend James just happened to send me some photos of his daughter falling asleep while the adults were shopping. I think this perfectly illustrates what went on in Claus' head:

The slow fade

scullary 2

scullary 3

"I'm starting to rethink that parking stall offer," he said. "I might just go wait in the car."

See? Should have just listened to me in the first place!

Posted in dad, family, mom | 10 Comments »

10 Responses to “Parking fun!”

  1. Kaminari:

    Exactomondo, Dude! The photos are adorable! My girlfriend's husband has a shirt that says "She who must be obeyed!" LOL Happy holidays! Hugs to the 3 of you!

  2. Manoa Mist:

    This is the best column I've ever read by you Diane. Merry Christmas!

  3. Kage:


    Mele Kalikimaka!

  4. Rosette:

    my husband is pretty good now I trained him to behave while I shop and I make him carry my whinning! after he take me shopping to dollar store and the make up section we go to his guy store ..we spend time shopping browsing around have lunch just the two of us ..our boys are older now more relaxing walking the mall together.

    my idea of Christmas shopping buying a tin shape Santa container fill it up with cash and chocolates for my two bothers and their children and our two boys I am done...less wrapping too..every year I will re use the Santa tine shape fill it up with cash voila they can do whatever they want with money..I AM TOO LAZY TO SHOP FOR THEM ALL...!

    the thing is when my husband goes shopping with me I always get a spot close to entrance..he often tell me I am his good luck charm..when he goes shopping on his own since he does the grocery shopping he has no luck parking he as to walk far..I LAUGH..yes I trained my husband and my oldest son to do the grocery shopping I relax ....yes YOU GOT TO TRAIN THEM ...funny!!

  5. Rosette:

    oh on my lazy days I don't have daughters so either my husband or my oldest son fetches my cosmetics..I take pictures fo what I need and they go the the mall pick up my things...if you train them to do female errands they seem to enjoy that....yes ...ALL MY TRAINGING WORK...oh my youngest he even help me pick things clothing for me since he has good eyes ..I figured boys they see girls so they figured which one will look better..lucky me I got help from my youngest which color matches..etc etc.. !

  6. Jennifer:

    Great column, Diane. First step in training stubborn husbands: Since they won't listen, let them see for themselves how uncomfortable/bored they will be if they don't follow wife's suggestions. Repeat if necessary.

  7. M:

    Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  8. Sven:

    Funny story!

  9. Anne:

    I love your blog, but haven't had time to read lately. Am now catching up on some of your entries! I loved this entry... especially because I saw the fabulous pics of James' daughter! James is my classmate from Hilo High! What a small world.

  10. Diane Ako:

    Anne, Thanks for saying that - hopefully your new year is bringing you a gentler schedule? And James cracks me up so bad. I miss that guy.

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