Small Talk

Leopard tortoise

January 19th, 2015

I enjoy calling my friend Kalei. I never know what's going to come out of her mouth, and it's usually funny.

I found her in a glum state on Friday because she was pining the death of a dream.

"I woke up this week on Monday with this aggressive idea that I wanted a baby leopard tortoise as a pet. I was psyched to get one but my friend advised I should research it before I just get a pet," she started.

"I'm glad she knows me well, because when I actually looked at them up close, they freak me out. Their eyes and their mouth and their claws. They horrify me! I shouldn't get a pet I'm scared of! And then, they grow!" she complained.

The nerve of a baby-anything to grow.

Apparently, she saw the aerial view of a tortoise and made her decision based on liking the way the shell looks. Just the shell. Not the face or the legs. Who even knows what she thinks about the tail.

"I had dreams of taking it work, buying a harness for it, taking it for a walk. I was going to sign up for the Pet Walk. It was going to be our debut. I was going to take a photo with it for my Christmas cards," she said.

Her friend had counseled her to get two tortoises, IF she was going to get a pet at all, so they could have company. Kalei already picked out the names: Mr. Miyage and Yoko Ono.

"Mr. Miyage and Yoko Ono were going to be my best friends," she continued. No matter that she calls me one of her best friends - whatever, Lady. Just because all my vital organs aren't encased by a protective shield?

I brainstormed with her for a bit what could take the place of a beloved terrapin. She is afraid of: dogs, cats, rabbits, lizards, rodents, fish, shrimp, birds, snails.

I suggested she try: llama, goat, seal, shark, pony. "Don't be ridiculous. It has to travel with me," she shot down. Right, I'm ridiculous.

Which pretty much means she can have a pet rock.

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