Archive for July, 2015

When you are a mommy

July 22nd, 2015

When you are a mommy, the following could possibly happen to you, as it has me:

-People will leave presents in the toilet for you to marvel at/ inspect/ analyze.

-Those same people will wake you up from your sleep to look at it right now.

-You will ask your husband if it can wait until tomorrow.

-Just kidding. You will roll over in bed and tell them it can wait until tomorrow.

-Your marital bed will never be the same (for a decade) because people have scary dreams and want you to protect them at night.

-In the early years, you will get peed on.

-You may also get accidentally barfed on.

-You will be a walking bio-hazard of childhood diseases for the first five years straight, and then subject to the occasional elementary school epidemic that will take you hours and days to sanitize your entire family and house. Buy a sturdy dryer.

-Food will be shared with you that, once you put it in your mouth, you will find out has been dropped on the floor; or worse, in the yard; or the worst- licked by the dog first because aren't we all family and family shares?

-The walls will get drawn on. Count on it.

-Kid stuff will be strewn about the house all the time, even ten minutes after you tidy it all up. There are magical elves dedicated to this task. Congratulations to you if you have a maid. I don't.

-Your kitchen counter (as every other surface in the house) will have all kinds of toys on it such that one day you find yourself using the cutting board with a tiny My Little Pony that fell on it. And you're so tired you just keep cutting the food and avoiding the spot with the toy.

-Your cleaning standards drop. A lot.

-You will be so tired some days you wonder how you put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

-You will likely give up on a sugar-free household, even though you really thought when you were pregnant you would not be one of those moms. And now you are.

-Your child will absolutely notice the difference between your weekend makeup, your work makeup, and your date night makeup, and will give you guilt for going out without them.

-You think it will be nice to have a break from the routine but all you end up talking about at dinner is your lovely child.

-You will notice your hairbrush has hairs in it that aren't yours, including short dark hair that you realize is dog fur, and plastic purple hair that came from a My Little Pony.

-You have to tolerate people whining because they "aren't tired" and don't want to go to sleep, and you are wondering how on Earth anyone could think this when all you have wanted to do since you woke up is crawl back into bed.

-Their schedule is your schedule.

-You are officially a chauffeur.

-You get to wait around at endless activities and rehearsals for hours at times that are very inconvenient for working adults.

-Basically, your boss is well under five feet tall.

-Then someone puts their little arm around you at night and tells you they love you bigger than the Universe and that you're their favorite person in the world, and your heart is full and everything is worth it.

Did I miss anything? What's on your list?

Love Your Pet

July 20th, 2015

My daughter is eight now, and the "birds and bees" talk may have been forced upon us earlier than we wanted by a summer fun trip to a petting zoo.

When she came home, she told us, "We all wanted to barf. There was a donkey and he took a big dump right before we ate lunch. Then, his p--- came out, went back in, came out again, and went back in again. It was THIS BIG! And THIS WIDE!" (Arm gestures to illustrate.)

If you could have seen the look on me and my husband's faces.

Claus and I were amused and a little surprised at her use of appropriate medical terms, and wondering for a while if we had to explain anything to her. We waited a day and nothing more came up, so we're just going to avoid this topic until necessary.

In other pet news, she asked me at dinner, "So, what guests do you have tomorrow on KHON2?" My marketing manager and I love how young minds soak up branding.

She was so precocious in the way she phrased the question; being an only child she tends to emulate adults, so it's like living with a mini-me. It sounds like the way I converse with Claus.

Foolishly, I thought she was trying to learn about the news cycle. "Well, the morning news is made up of a combination of the previous evening's news, so if we watch it tonight we'll know some of the stories that will re-air tomorrow on Mommy's show."

Me with Dr. Richard Fujie of the King Street Pet Hospital

Me with Dr. Richard Fujie of the King Street Pet Hospital

She interrupted me. "Sometimes you have guests, like Love Your Pet. Is that tomorrow?"

"No. Tomorrow is the doctor," I said, "But you're right. We do have guest segments scheduled in advance so those, I would know about."

With Drano, the turtle Dr. John Kaya brought in.

With Drano, the turtle Dr. John Kaya brought in.

"But also, we include anything that happens in the world overnight, so I won't know about that until I get in tomorrow," I finished, feeling all proud I have a kid who might want to know about my industry.

She stared at me with disinterest. I apparently lost her at No.

"So what you're saying is, no Love Your Pet tomorrow," she reiterated.

Then I realized she only cared about seeing animals on TV. I guess I'll save the whole "Let me pass along my knowledge" thing until some years from now.

Oh, poop

July 17th, 2015

Geckos love my house. Like most Island homes, geckos are all over.

I’m OK with it. I think lizards are cute and I appreciate that they eat roaches and mosquitoes.

I just dislike that they poop all over. There are certain corners they favor and after a month or so, there’s a brown buildup along the floor.

I had the energy to clean this up one day, but there were a few places along the walls, about six feet up or so, that I couldn’t reach without the stepping stool. I’m a shorty.

That’s when my husband walked in from work. “I am so happy to see you!” I exclaimed with enthusiasm. I gave him a hug.

“Oh! Really?!” he replied.

“You have something I need!” I said, still holding the Windex bottle in one hand. I am very task-oriented.

Men. They’re always thinking just one way. “What is that?” he asked with a hopeful smile.

“Can you get that poop off the wall?” I asked, pointing to it. “I can’t reach it and you’re nearly a foot taller than me.”

His smile fell. “Oh. Sure.”

So my walls are clean now and my husband is grumpy.

Posted in dad, family, mom | 2 Comments »

Show about Elvis opens in Waikiki

July 16th, 2015

Oahu visitors now have a chance to see a show that traces the exciting and historic era of Elvis Presley in Hawaii. Burn’n Love, featuring Elvis performer Leo Days, is designed to showcase the time Elvis spent in Hawaii and our Islands’ influence on his life, movies, and music.

Leo Days as Elvis in Burn'n Love Waikiki. Courtesy: Nancy Bernal

Leo Days as Elvis in Burn'n Love Waikiki. Courtesy: Nancy Bernal

"It was created especially for Hawaii, and not found anywhere else in the world," says publicist Nancy Bernal. "It includes incredible audiovisuals, timeless photos, videos, and recorded interviews of Elvis when he was here." It also includes a 1961 Pearl Harbor segment dedicated to military heroes past and present.

Burn’n Love premiered at the Maui Theatre in 2013 and within days, quickly shot to number one on travel site TripAdvisor. Executive Producer Mike Kattawar says  several companies interested in bringing his show to various cities around the world have approached him; Waikiki was a natural fit.

Leo Days as Elvis in Burn'n Love Waikiki. Courtesy: Nancy Bernal

Leo Days as Elvis in Burn'n Love Waikiki. Courtesy: Nancy Bernal

Backed by a full-scale stage production that includes a band, vocalists, dancers and Burn’n Love also touches on the deep love that The King had for Hawaii and its people. “Two things we know about Elvis: he loved Hawaii and he loved giving,” said Kattawar. “In that same spirit, we are donating a portion of every ticket sold to Aloha United Way to support its efforts to build stronger, healthier communities across Hawaii.”

Burn’n Love offers Hawaii residents 50% off regular-priced tickets for July and August shows only. Seating is limited and valid Hawaii ID is required for each guest at check in to redeem the special offer. Discount cannot be combined with any other offers; some restrictions may apply.

Tickets must be booked directly by calling the Box Office at (808) 971-4321, or online at . Mention or use code “Hawaii50” when making reservations.

Burn’n Love shows Monday through Saturday, with seating starting at 8 p.m.  The Magic of Polynesia Showroom is located at The Holiday Inn Resort Waikiki Beachcomber at 2300 Kalakaua Avenue.  Tickets start at $69 and cocktail and/or exclusive meet & greet packages are available, as well as kamaaina and military pricing.

Valet parking is available for $6 with validation.  Additional parking options are available at nearby Waikiki lots. For reservations or more information, call the Box Office at (808) 971-4321 or visit .

Lava lamp: A new cocktail!

July 15th, 2015

At Summer Fun, the kids made a lava lamp. Olivia brought it home and put it on the counter, unbeknownst to either of us parents.

Homemade lava lamp, aka my husband's post-workout beverage

Homemade lava lamp, aka my husband's post-workout beverage

It's in a recycled beverage container, and just set it down at the same time she put her lunch bag on the counter. Claus assumed it was some weird drink concoction.

"It was very clear at the top, red on the bottom, and I thought it was fruit punch," he explained to me. He'd just come back from the gym, was thirsty, and wanted to take a swig.

"Well, it's full and she'll notice and get mad at me for drinking her drink," he thought, and decided not to.

Later, she came over with an Alka-Seltzer tablet and asked us to watch her drop it inside. "What's that for?" we asked.

"It's a lava lamp!" Then she dropped the tablets in and delighted in seeing the fizz. "Look!"

Claus and I looked at each other and laughed so hard that he nearly drank a lava lamp.

"What's in that?" I asked.

Water, oil, and food coloring, she answered.

"Well, you wouldn't have died," I assured my husband. "And you would have looked really cool if lit up from the inside!"

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