Archive for September, 2015

Brassiere shopping

September 30th, 2015

I wanted a new bra, and I wanted a certain type. A bralette, to be exact.

We were all at the department store, and I detoured into the lingerie section. My family reacted in two ways.

My daughter was fascinated by the pretty lace, cute patterns, and different colors. My husband was uncomfortable but trying to override that with a practical attitude.

I told him he could wander elsewhere, he said he would help me (so we could get out of here faster?)

"I want a bralette like the one I use for yoga," I described, and found a tan one on the rack. "Like this one, but this is not my size."

He totally didn't get it. To be fair, there are dozens of brassiere designs. Strapless, backless, adhesive, sports, just to name a few.

He picked an underwire bra for me. I think his only reference was that it was the same color as the sample I pulled a minute ago.

"Sweetie, that has an underwire. It has to look more like a sports bra," I explained, hoping the very common reference would help draw the picture.

He searched the rack. "What about this?" he held up, which was a bra without a wire but still had the clasp in the back.

The poor man. He had the best intentions.

Finally, he actually found the correct design. "Yes, just like that!" I said. He looked like he won a prize.

Then I went over and inspected it. "This is not my size," I determined.

He looked deflated. This is not his day in the ladies section.

It was, like, a bra built for Anna Nicole Smith and I'm, well, not that. Not by a long shot.

I found what I needed and Olivia followed me in the dressing room. "How does this look?" I asked her.

She stared at me with a blank look. "I don't know what I'm looking at. Am I looking at your breasts? What am I looking for?" I remembered I can't treat my eight-year-old like my girlfriend just yet.

I bought the bralette. I also noted to self that I should not bring my family with me on a bra buying trip again.

Made with love... and butter

September 28th, 2015

Olivia loves grilled cheese sandwiches. I made her one the other night and for the first time in all these years she paid attention to how I did it.

"You put butter in it?!" she marveled. "You make the best grilled cheese sandwiches in the world!"

I served her the plate and she continued, "Yours is even better than Daddy's!"

Well, Claus is a great cook, but I've seen him sometimes toast cheese in between bread as a lazy method. He's tired. I get it. She still eats it.

My girl went on and on about how I'm the best cook ever, etcetera. (I'm "eating" it up, LOL.)

I told her, "It's also because I cook it with love. I love cooking for my sweetie!"

"Yours is still better than Daddy's," she insisted.

"He cooks with love, too," I reminded, trying to get her to cut her dad some slack. He's a great dad.

"That's fine," she determined. "He cooks with love, but he's not cooking with butter."

Kailua Ahupua'a Geology Tour

September 27th, 2015

Do you want to know how the Ko‘olau eruptive center was formed two million years ago? Sign up now for a popular Kailua Ahupua’a Geology Tour that includes Kawainui Marsh.

On Saturday, October 3rd from 8:30 am to 12:30 pm., Dr. Floyd McCoy, geology professor from the Windward Community College, will take a tour group to the Pali Lookout, AMERON quarry and Na Pohaku of Hauwahine, by Kawainui Marsh. He will talk about the Ko‘olau eruptive center and how the catastrophic collapse of the windward side of the shield volcano occurred. He'll show the group dike formations and the quarrying operations by AMERON.

Dr. McCoy will then look at Na Pohaku o Hauwahine and explain the geological features of Kawainui . Bring your cameras, sun screen, wear outdoor gear and walking shoes. The group will car pool between sites.

The tour is co-sponsored by Ahahui Malama i ka Lokahi, and AMERON. Donations of $10 will be accepted. There will be a limit of 30 persons and you must make reservations by calling Ka`imi Rick Scudder at (808) 263-8008 or

Kaho'olawe Volunteer & Support Opportunities

September 26th, 2015

Kākoʻo iā Kahoʻolawe Work Day

Make an active contribution to the restoration of Kahoʻolawe while learning about the culture, history and ecology therein. Join the Kaho`olawe Island Reserve Commission (KIRC) for its next volunteer work day on Saturday, September 26, at the Kihei Boat House (2780 South Kihei Road - directly adjacent to the Kihei Boat Ramp) anytime between 8 a.m. - 12 p.m. Upcoming dates may be found here.

Courtesy: KIRC

Courtesy: KIRC

Work opportunities include improving the Kaho`olawe walking trail and assisting with the setup of a native plant nursery, where plants will be propagated for Kaho'olawe. Bring gloves, closed-toe shoes and sunblock. KIRC will provide the rest!

Complimentary lunch is included for volunteers by Daniel Southmayd of Vineyard Food Company.

Mahinaʻai Night

Part of a series of full moon events geared to raise awareness of and access to Kahoʻolawe, Mahina`ai Night offers a guided tour of the KIRC's new walking trail on its Kihei property, live music by UH Maui College's Institute of Hawaiian Music, food vendors, an opportunity to talk story with experts in Kahoʻolawe history, restoration and culture and more.

Courtesy: KIRC

Courtesy: KIRC

This program is made possible by a grant through the Maui County Product Enrichment Program (CPEP).


Sunday, September 27, from 6 - 8 p.m. The 45-minute tour begins at 6 p.m. sharp. Music from 7 - 8 p.m.
Free & open to the public
Park at the Kihei Boat Ramp and follow signs for the Kah`oolawe Island Reserve Commission (KIRC) - just a short walk to the boat house site (2780 South Kihei Road)
RSVP's are requested by clicking here, or at (808) 243-5888
NOTE: Flash lights and closed-toe footwear are strongly recommended as you will be walking on a mulch-lined path amongst kiawe. Because there are no ATMs on site, please bring cash or checks if you plan to purchase food, beverages or to make a contribution to the Kaho`olawe Rehabilitation Trust Fund.

Aloha Kaho'olawe 2015

Courtesy: KIRC

Courtesy: KIRC

In preparation for the 2016 legislative session, KIRC asks that you consider joining a friend or sharing your personal stories with others in order to help them understand the importance of sustaining its Volunteer Program on-island. If you are not familiar with GoFundMe and prefer to donate money by cash or check, you may send to KIRC at 811 Kolu Street, Suite 201, Wailuku, HI 96793.

Why Smart Men Do the Same Dumb Things: A Hawai‘i Psychologist Decodes the Warrior Mindset

September 25th, 2015

The irrationally demanding boss. The temperamental, uncommunicative father. The co-worker who never admits mistakes. The husband who won’t ask for directions.

Why do so many men self-sabotage their personal growth and relationships? It’s not just a “guy thing,” says veteran Hawai‘i psychologist Dr. Rosalie K. Tatsuguchi. “It’s a ‘Musashi thing.’”

Dr. Rosie Tatsuguchi. Courtesy: Watermark Publishing

Dr. Rosalie Tatsuguchi. Courtesy: Watermark Publishing

And the good news is that change is possible. Generations of men, whether they know it or not, have patterned their lives after the legendary warrior Miyamoto Musashi, who practiced bushido, the way of the warrior.

His teachings prioritized the suppression of feelings, constant wariness, isolation and the willingness to sacrifice one’s life in service of the clan lord. Followers of Musashi’s way don’t talk much. They don’t consider feelings and emotions relevant to decision making. They are perfectionists.

They don’t explain themselves, ask questions or tolerate others’ questions. They are hard on themselves and those around them.

Their children and subordinates often fear them. They lack closeness and understanding in their relationships. They are the type of friend who would die for another, but won’t ask about—or reveal—personal troubles.

Courtesy: Dawn Sakamoto

Courtesy: Dawn Sakamoto

This warrior mindset is the basis of Dr. Tatsuguchi’s newly released book, Why Smart Men Do the Same Dumb Things: A Warrior’s Manual for Change, a new release from Watermark Publishing. The book is a follow-up to her previous work, Why Smart People Do the Same Dumb Things: Causes and Cures from Buddhism and Science (Watermark, 2011).

This time around, Dr. Tatsuguchi explains the warrior code paradigm and teaches how to differentiate between the appropriate times to be a stern samurai or be open to giving and accepting intimacy. It’s a guide to beginning the process of behavioral change and opening the door to better relationships with peers, friends and family.

Dr. Tatsuguchi’s unique approach is rooted in the connection between modern scientific methodology and Buddhist principles of free inquiry and respect for the human spirit. This model of thinking will help readers realize and admit mistakes, correct them and live a more fulfilled, happier life.  She also delves into the persona of the “lady samurai,” an equally restrictive and unhealthy warrior-minded personality adopted by women.

This “samurai attitude” can hurt you in the workplace by creating obstacles to teamwork and, contrary to popular belief, making you a poor leader. Men (and women!) who have internalized the tenets of bushido do not consider emotions important, dislike being questioned, have difficulty admitting mistakes and believe that if you haven’t sacrificed yourself, your contributions are worthless.

This leads to poor communication, unrealistic expectations and a hostile environment. Employees who harbor these values are no better off—they are prone to burnout and are constantly dissatisfied with co-workers.

Most of all, the warrior mentality considers any sign of weakness a major failing—this can include making mistakes, not knowing an answer, asking for help or showing emotions like sadness, fear or kindness. Warriors are fearful of appearing weak and will often lash out to cover up what they perceive as a display of weakness. They also insist on a “die trying, no matter what” approach to everything.

If the warrior is you:

• Feelings are important data. Expressing feelings is not a sign of weakness. If you want to work harmoniously with other people, you need to be able to understand how they think and feel.

If you fail to consider other people’s feelings, you won’t be able to accurately predict their actions or understand the best way to motivate them. You need to consider emotions, as well as facts, in your equation for accurate problem solving.

• You are not a human sacrifice. The bushido code teaches warriors they must not fear death; they must be willing to “die for the cause.”

This discipline leads to physical and mental toughness, which can help them overcome many challenges, but it makes workplace warriors particularly prone to burnout because they feel compelled to give 110% in every endeavor, no matter the situation or personal consequences. It's important to allow yourself—and your employees—to set limits, give feedback, say no and request help.

• Information is to be shared. Samurai did not share information because it exposed them to possible attack or betrayal; their soldiers only needed to know where to go and whom to attack.

In a workplace environment, your employees and co-workers need to be able to make their own decisions, based on good information that is shared with everyone. Many problems can be averted or solved better through timely sharing of information.

If you work with a warrior:

• Respect everyone’s busshin. Your busshin is your inner self, your energy, your soul. Warriors ignore feelings and believe that they should follow orders, endure silently and “die trying.” It is easy to take advantage of their seemingly endless capacity to work hard.

Warriors also have little respect for anyone’s busshin, including their own. If you work with a warrior who won’t change, it is up to you to remember to respect their busshin by accepting your share of work; honor your own, too, by making it clear when you have not been given the tools necessary to perform a job or speaking up about other situations that disrespect your busshin.

• Write it down. Warriors tend to make unrealistic demands driven by an unspoken quest for perfection. Follow up such a demand by writing down the request and asking them to confirm their words.

When the warrior sees how absurd the task is, they may say, “No, that’s not what I meant.” (Accept that you may get some heat for “not understanding.”) You can potentially head this off by offering a different plan of action that accomplishes a similar end-goal, but is more reasonable to execute. This gives the warrior a chance to save face by simply approving your plan instead of admitting an error.

Why Smart Men Do the Same Dumb Things: A Warrior’s Manual for Change (ISBN 978-1-935690-66-5) will be available at the end of September for $16.95 at bookstores, other retail outlets, online booksellers or direct from the publisher at

Dr. Tatsuguchi will make the following appearances for her new release. Seminars will include a 30-40 minute discussion introducing Dr. Tatsuguchi's philosophy regarding the “samurai attitude” and how warriors can effect change in their lives for better mental health and improved relationships with friends, family and co-workers. Questions are welcome. All events are free.

Saturday, September 26
9 a.m. – noon | Mo‘ili‘ili Hongwanji Bazaar
902 University Ave | (808) 949-1659
book signing

Saturday, October 3
9 a.m. – 11 a.m.| Buddhist Study Center
1436 University Ave. | (808) 973-6555
seminar, followed by book signing

Sunday, October 11
2 p.m. – 3 p.m. | Native Books / Na Mea Hawai‘i
Ward Warehouse | (808) 596-8885
seminar, followed by book signing

Saturday, November 7
1 p.m. | Gallery Theater, Japanese Cultural Center of Hawaii
2454 S Beretania St.  | (808) 945-7633

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