Small Talk

Nothing ventured, everything gained

September 14th, 2016

If you'll indulge me kindly, I'd like to blatantly self-promote my new business plan as a Nothing Coach. Previously, I blogged about a new competition I'd like to bring to America that rewards people for doing nothing. (

As I work up the long-term strategy for hyping up this soon-to-be, super awesome challenge that will sweep our nation by storm, I thought I should actually walk the walk if I'm going to talk the talk. So I've been training for Nothing, too.

My training inspiration

My training inspiration

I try to keep my daily agenda to just one thing, if that. Unfortunately, on weekends, I have a lot of mommy obligations, so I have to actually leave the house for hours to shuttle my kid around to lessons, events, and playdates. That's a lot more Something than I care to have in my day.

I don't mean to brag, but I have high natural talent for this. As a recovering Type A personality, when I set my mind to a task, I'm going to do it, and do it well.

I know for a fact I can watch Netflix for hours at a stretch. Six hours a day is my average lately, but my PR (personal record, for you non-athletes) is ten with combined split times. (Just a little more industry jargon there to sound impressive.)

I'm also able to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling in the morning, think about getting up, and then drift back to sleep again. I can do this for several revolutions. The hard part is ignoring my family's various noises as they get ready for their day, but it's good for training.

Unfortunately, one's greatest strength is also one's greatest weakness, so curses if that Type A mindset doesn't come around to bite me in the butt sometimes. The other day, I had not one but two goals for the entire day: 1) Turn on A/C; 2) Find password.

Who sets two goals for the day?! For an athlete like me, one should be enough.

And, sidebar, I realize you can click the "I forgot my password" button and then you can reset it or some such, but I lose interest after hitting the button. I never follow through with the next step. It's been half a year and I just can't seem to find the energy to go forward.

So the whole day goes by and I did turn on the air conditioner - amazing job, Me - but I did not fiddle with the password. I didn't even do step one. It's just such a drain when I think about it.

I was kind of feeling like a failure when I realized, I'm actually a huge success. Because if I set two goals but I only accomplished one, isn't that closer to doing nothing? Holy mother-of-pearl, I am such an overachiever I impress myself.

This. This is the kind of superior leadership I could offer in your conditioning to be a Nothing athlete. Sign with me and there's nada chance you'll fail.

Special introductory offer: First three months free, promo code #spacecadet.

3 Responses to “Nothing ventured, everything gained”

  1. Lou Scheer:

    I feel like I must ask this question please. If I'm doing nothing how will I know when I'm done? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  2. Randall:

    Count me in!!!

  3. Diane Ako:

    Lou Scheer, You will be done doing nothing when you are able to observe things as they are and then release them without judgment. Namascray. ("I recognize and respect the crazy in you.")

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