Small Talk

Petisan politics: introducing the candidates, part 1

September 30th, 2016

On the country's election radar, there's a couple of parties who have been completely overlooked by the mainstream media. I thought I should be the one to bring these worthy candidates to your attention.

I present to you today the Democatic challenger, Ocho Ako.*


This grey tabby comes from a hardscrabble background, living homeless on the streets of Kalihi through her early kittenhood, until discovered by KHNL employees who pressed upon Diane Ako to give her a home.

Ocho when a kitten.

Ocho when a kitten.

She learned to scrounge in the garbage for food and hunt small prey. Flexible and adaptable, she soon learned to live in a house, not tip over the garbage can for dinner, and enjoy Meow Mix instead of pigeon tartare.

So, you're NOT going to tartare this bird for me?

So, you're NOT going to tartare this bird for me?

Though she now lives in suburban splendor, she says she never forgot her roots, and can relate to animals of all backgrounds.

Her best friend is herself (she's a cat, duh?) and her hobbies include sleeping, practicing condescending stares, ornithology, and jumping into tall hiding spots out of reach of children.


Ocho's community service includes gracing the neighborhood with her feline beauty, sleep study volunteer, and entertaining grade school children annually for one of her people's Show and Tell at school.

Back Camera

Her employment history includes pest control and night watchman, and in her mind, regal queen of all surroundings.

Hard at work.

Hard at work.

She supports the National Sleep Foundation.

Ocho's campaign issues include the environment (everyone should lie in the sun every day), the economy (if everyone is at work, there is nobody to bother her), and immigration (no new cats in the 'hood.)


Ocho's campaign motto is "Vote for me because I'm one cool cat."

Monday, we bring you Part 2: Inca Hansen.

*Order of candidate bios determined by neutral coin toss.

Posted in pets | 2 Comments »

2 Responses to “Petisan politics: introducing the candidates, part 1”

  1. Fletcher Arc:

    Ocho means eight, in Syrian Aramaic I believe.

  2. Diane Ako:

    So close. It's Sanskrit.

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