By Diane Ako
Olivia and I made some mean butterscotch pudding. It had real vanilla bean seeds and everything. It tastes as silky and rich as creme brûlée, but with a buttery finish.
We were very proud of ourselves and decided to create a fictitious bakery name for our mother-daughter baking team. After vetting a few ideas, we settled on Love Bites.
This became a shorthand for all activities mother-daughter, as in: "Love Bites is watching a movie!" or "What shall Love Bites do now?"
I mentioned this to my friend Kalei. "LOVE BITES?! As in, hickey?!" she sputtered.
"What? As in, small bites of delicious dessert made with love. Love in every bite," I returned.
"NO. Love bites is slang for hickey. Do you not know this???" she retorted.
"Are you serious? Really? I didn't know this! Does everyone know this?!" I exclaimed, grabbing my phone to search it online. Yep. It's there on Wikipedia.
"Yes. I told you so. You have to come up with a more appropriate company name, or people will be placing orders for cakes shaped like body parts," she lectured. "Geez. What are you teaching our kid?"
"I didn't know! Fine. Let's come up with something else. What about Love Bakes?" I suggested.
"Love Bakes???" she sniffed. I could feel her exasperation across the phone line.
"What, is that too close to Love's Bakery?" I asked.
"No! It sounds like marijuana. Now you're selling medical edibles?" she sighed.
"How is that like marijuana?" I quizzed.
"'Bakes?' People say they're baked when they're stoned," she prodded.
I didn't think I was this sheltered, but this conversation is making me think otherwise.
"Can't you just do like (your cousin) Janice (Hori) and have something simple and straightforward like Hawaiian Pie Company? Why do you have to get all creative?" questioned Kalei.
"Creative is fun," I defended. "How boring is 'Olivia & Mommy's Cupcakery'?"
"Apparently, you are inappropriate when you are creative," decided Kalei. "You are so lucky you have me."
I had to break the news to Olivia that we couldn't use Love Bites anymore because... someone else took that company name. She was bummed and made sad faces.
We are now thinking about a new fake business name that doesn't imply anything else inappropriate. Got any suggestions?