Archive for the ‘parent’ Category

Woman Seeks to Raise Awareness After Financial Predators Abused Her Elderly Mother

August 19th, 2015
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She had no idea that her family would become involved with criminals. But when three women stole her mother, her savings and eventually her life, she had no choice but to fight back.

“My mother was a victim,” said Glynnis Walker Anderson, investigative journalist and author of the book Stealing Joy: A True Story of Alzheimer’s, Elder Abuse and Fraud.

“And the elderly are not the only victims of financial abuse,” she says. “Relatives, spouses, children and grand-children, employees and the community at large are also impacted. Everybody pays when the elderly are abused and financially devastated by predators and frauds.”

Glynnis describes every detail of the unscrupulous tactics of her mother’s predators, and the shocking failure of local law enforcement, social services and government programs to intervene.

A neighbor and a lawyer offered to help Glynnis’s widowed and aging mother, Joy. Instead of assisting her, they schemed to steal her money and her house, turned her against her own family, and seized legal guardianship. The predators even arranged for questionable surgery to hasten her death.

Glynnis had power of attorney but lived near Chicago while her mother lived alone in Victoria, Canada, so the neighbor and the lawyer named themselves Joy’s primary caregivers.

After a series of strokes, Joy spiraled down into Alzheimer’s. Glynnis arranged for her to move into an assisted living facility. The neighbor and the lawyer convinced the facility administrator and staff that Glynnis and her daughters abused her and “dumped” her in the facility. When Glynnis tried calling her mother, the administrator said Joy was angry with her and didn’t want to speak to her.

The situation became more sinister and damaging. Glynnis learned that the lawyer made Joy sign documents she didn’t understand, illegally giving the lawyer power of attorney and creating a new will. The neighbor made a copy of the door key, entered the house and found checkbooks and savings accounts and emptied them all, even the ones overseas. Later she changed the locks so Glynnis couldn't get in. Glynnis sought help from the police and government agencies, but to no avail.

Glynnis says the lies, manipulations, theft and vengeance against her and her daughters cost Glynnis thousands of dollars in legal fees and court costs and continued after her mother’s death. At least Glynnis was able to save her mother’s house.

“The actual number of elder abuse cases is probably higher than the data available since most cases of financial and emotional abuse are never reported,” said Glynnis. “Crimes against the elderly will increase because the number of people over age 65 will more than double by 2050.”

Glynnis has organized a Gray Rights Movement to increase awareness of this growing criminality so something will be done about it. “Aging women are the most vulnerable, but entire families are affected.”

Glynnis hopes to increase awareness of this life-destroying crime, enhance the Older Americans Act of 2006, require more accountability of the justice system, and make the costly legal system accessible to seniors who can’t afford it.

“The sad reality is that many older people are neglected when they are powerless or show signs of dementia,” says Glynnis. “They can be victimized by people they trust—lawyers, bankers, financial advisors, doctors, home health care providers, retirement and nursing home managers, friends, and even their own family members.”

The most important step people can take to protect themselves is to have an up-to-date will that includes a plan for distribution of their possessions.

“While you are of sound mind, give one or more of your adult children or another close relative power of attorney,” advises Glynnis. “Family members should agree on who should be responsible, or have two people to oversee the finances so they can watch each other and look for signs of elder abuse,” Anderson says.

Among the actions she recommends for whoever has the authority:

· Watch for signs of increasing forgetfulness or dementia, have the senior tested
· Be suspicious of anyone posing as a trusted new friend or anyone who could benefit financially from being associated
· Become co-owner of the senior’s bank accounts
· Consider putting all assets in a trust
· Monitor the accounts and credit card statements for suspicious activity
· Get a second opinion on surgery or medical needs
· Monitor Medicare summary notices for questionable charges
· Warn the senior not to tell anyone how much money or investments he or she has
· Tell the senior to ignore unsolicited investment offers, requests for donations, etc.
· Tell the senior never to give his or her social security number, bank account number, credit card numbers, birth date, or PIN numbers in response to unwanted telephone calls or letters
· If a caretaker is needed, do a background check and specify what the caretaker can and cannot do
· Keep jewelry, cash, checkbooks, credit cards, etc. in a secure place
· Keep the senior and other family members aware of what you are doing

Her story is sad - but serves as a cautionary tale for all those whose elderly loved ones may be at risk and offers guidance on how to fight against elder fraud.

For more information visit www.glynniswalker.com.

Lack of Small Talk Could Lead to Poor Parent-Child Relationships

August 17th, 2015
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My favorite time of day is when I get to cuddle with my daughter before bed. We can talk for the better part of an hour about nothing in particular - her day, her likes, her latest questions about life.

Sometimes I'm tired and I just let her chirp on because I love to hear her voice and her thoughts. The time is short, I know, for her to want to talk on and on with me.

While it doesn't feel like we're doing anything significant, a new study affirms this small talk is a big link in relationship-building. Dr. Stephanie Rollie Rodriguez, Assistant Professor in the Department of Communication and Media at Texas A&M University-Corpus Christi, conducted in-depth interviews with parents who do not live with their children to understand just what is missing from the relationship when they don’t have a chance to interact with them on a daily basis.

“Research on relationship maintenance shows that day-to-day small talk is important in sustaining relationships, however, not all relationships have opportunities to engage in regular interaction,” said Rodriguez. “Participants who have limited interactions struggle to ‘know’ their children while those with frequent interaction with their children have access to the mundane stories of their children’s lives, which helps to maintain the relationships.”

Rodriguez’s participants revealed several major issues regarding access to information about their children. The major issues dealt with parents feeling like they had to play “catch-up” in order to get information about their children’s daily activities. Often when talking on the phone, they reported their children would not provide information about themselves or only share weekly highlights. This caused parents to have to dig for information to learn details. She noted, too, that parents who have regular interaction with their children during their time apart find it easier to maintain those relationships.

Rodriguez said she first became interested in this topic during a Family Studies course she took as a graduate student at the University of Iowa where she earned her Master of Arts and Ph.D. in Communication Studies. As a student, she was exposed to research which revealed divorced dads were often the least satisfied parents.

This information led to want to understand what factors go into maintaining a good parent-child relationship when one of the parents does not live at home. Although Rodriguez’s study results focus on the parent-child relationship, the findings could be applied to any type of relationship.

“This has implications for all kinds of relationships,” Rodriguez said. “It reinforces the idea that a lot of relational maintenance and a sense of ‘knowing’ someone comes from daily interaction and small talk.”

Rodriguez is currently working with researchers at Kansas State-Salina on a study that looks at how separated parents and children connect through technology.  If you are a divorced/separated parent or teen aged 12-17 with divorced/separated parents and would like to participate, please contact Dr. Rodriguez at 361-825-5753 or Stephanie.rodriguez@tamucc.edu.

Rejection

August 10th, 2015
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The day has come when my daughter was formally rejected from something she wanted to be a part of and was cognizant of it. Sure, she's been "regretted" (the politically correct term when you don't get in at some elite private schools) from some school applications, but she didn't know or care.

She has also been in tiffs with cliques at school which have hurt her feelings, but this is the first time she was officially declined acceptance to a group. Olivia was auditioning for a dance troupe and didn't make the cut.

We weren't even really sure she was that interested because her attention ebbs and flows, but I think it's the idea of someone else not choosing you. It's one thing if you decide you don't want to join the club, but it's another if they say they don't want you.

After two weeks of auditions, the teacher sent home a very nicely worded letter which follows a time-honored template of saying all the nice stuff about your kid first, then gently delivering the blow. As parents, we understand, and we aren't all that surprised because she seemed so ambivalent about it all.

Therefore, it caught me by surprise when we updated Olivia on the status of her auditions, and she started crying. And then my heart kind of broke.

Hugging sad people.

Hugging sad people.

I'm sure every parent's been through it. You want to protect your child from every hurt the world will bring and you can't. You feel helpless.

But we can't do it all for her. We can't make her pay attention in dance class. We can't force her to be consistently interested or cooperative.

We've tried. We constantly remind her she needs to do this or that to progress.

She hasn't. This is the natural consequence of her inability to focus.

I'm disappointed for her. But, I sucked it up and put on a positive face and hugged her.

I told her rejection is a part of life and if she really wants to succeed in the next activity, she needs to pay more attention to directions in class.

You may be wondering if persevering with next year's tryouts could be part of the teachable moment. No.

They actually disinvited her from trying again next year due to where it appears she is in her progress. This, we didn't tell her. We weren't sure how to navigate that, but the problem was solved when Olivia told us she was ready to be done with this club.

She's naturally athletic and seemed to do well when she applied herself, so I told her I know she can do whatever she sets her mind to. We said we believe in her.

I also told her I've been rejected a bunch of times from a bunch of things, and I just picked myself up and kept going until I got the result I wanted. When I was applying for my first few TV jobs, I was rejected at least five dozen times.

I saved all my rejection letters from those early years. The stack is about one inch thick. I labeled it Humility Check.

TV can be a tough business. Let me tell you about major rejection.

I had secured a meeting with a Hawaii news director (no longer working in Hawaii TV) to look at my resume. There was no job available, but I was trying to establish a connection and hopefully have him keep me in mind for any future openings.

After looking at my reel, he asked, "Where did you go to college?"

I answered. "You should get a refund," he flatly stated.

No joke, no exaggeration. This is exactly how the conversation went. I still remember it like it was last week.

I was flabbergasted. I have never had anyone before, or since, be that rude.

I conducted the rest of the meeting as if the remark didn't hurt me, and then decided he could __ himself.  I was not going to cry over that. I certainly wasn't going to curl up in a ball and quit because one guy said something mean.

I knew what I had to offer and I decided I would work hard and develop that for another station to appreciate. Which did, eventually, happen.

I didn't tell all that boring stuff to my kid, though. Maybe in another decade, when she's ready. What I did tell her, though, was:

"If Mommy gave up after the first dozen stations said no, she wouldn't be doing what she does today, which is a job she likes and has worked hard to be competent at. If there's something you really want, you need to work for it and you need to believe in yourself."

She is smart, beautiful, athletic, funny, and charming (when she wants to be!). We reminded her of this and said we'd always be in her corner, happy to guide her and help her succeed.

Olivia seemed to perk up a little with that. A bowl of ice cream with sprinkles probably did way more for her mood than my little pep talk, though. ... To be fair, I can totally relate!

How would you, or have you, handled your child's disappointment from rejection?

Roles Reversed

August 7th, 2015
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It’s come to this: my eight-year-old is tucking me into bed now. Yes, I go to sleep at 6:30 p.m. and her bedtime is at 8 p.m.

15-6-3 Bed feet_wide

For months, she and her dad have actually been doing this, but it’s been informal and never stated out loud. When I head towards the bedroom to lie down, I say goodnight, and they usually follow me in to hang out for a few minutes as I wind down.

It’s a weird version of family time (which might also include an early family dinner, depending on the day.) We lie in my bed and we talk about our day for a little while before they leave me.

The other night, my husband went to a night class, so it was just Olivia and me. I headed to bed and she said she wanted to watch TV until 8.

I was having such a lovely time playing with her in her room that I asked her to keep me company for a little bit more. “Come tuck me in please,” I asked.

“But I want to watch TV,” she pushed back.

“Please? Tuck me in and cuddle with me for a few minutes,” I pleaded.

She said OK and tried to brush me off with a quick kiss. “No, can you lie with me for a while?” I insisted.

“Oh, OK,” she acquiesced, and came into bed to spoon with me. Oh, I love my little girl.

I love this time of day so much. She makes my heart full. She actually spent a decent amount of unhurried time with me before she kissed me again and excused herself to the television room.

I know the cycle of life means that eventually, the parent becomes the child and the child becomes the parent. I didn't expect it so soon!

Girl's Weekend Out!

August 3rd, 2015
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For a decadent summer getaway, I went back to my old stomping grounds and stayed a weekend at Halekulani. It was luxurious in more ways than one.

I decided to break up the stay, spending one night with my daughter for Girls' Weekend Out, and the second night with my husband. It worked out really nicely for all parties.

View from our suite

View from our suite

Olivia was thrilled to have special Mommy-daughter time, which started with afternoon tea at Veranda. She's got a serious sweet tooth (like me) and the pastries are as delicious to look at as they are to eat. In retrospect, we decided it was the trip highlight for both of us.

Then, we went back to our room, a lovely Diamond Head Ocean Suite, to change into our swim suits and go swimming. Except, when she saw the deep bathtub, the SpaHalekulani bath salts, and the pretty glycerine soap with silver glitter, she asked if we could take a tub bath together.

And so it was, me sitting in the tub with this crazy-cute eight year old, playing and chatting and having a good old time. It reminded me of when I was that age and would do that with my cousins or my friends, and we never wanted it to stop.

We had dinner reservations at 6:30 p.m. and while we were both full from tea, I felt it prudent to eat now, because any later and I'd be too tired from my weird body clock. I get up at 3 a.m for work so I'm used to a nap and an early bedtime.

At Orchids, I had a three-course meal that was heavenly. Everything was perfect. I even indulged in a glass of wine (might be my first glass of wine I've drank all year - I rarely drink) because Girl's Night Out with my sweetie is a special night.

We were so full, but I kept eating everything because it all tasted so good. I remember now why I gained nearly ten pounds in my three-and-a-half years working there.

VIP breakfasts, client lunches, business dinners, corporate functions, and the free staff cafeteria. Oh, and the hardship of staying up on product knowledge required me to eat there occasionally on weekends. It takes dedication.

After dinner I asked if she wanted to walk around Waikiki, but Olivia was tired and wanted to return to the room. She hardly admits she'd tired. This must have been a lot of stimulation for her!

In the morning, we enjoyed breakfast at Orchids before jumping into the pool. What we like to do is race, compete to do the most somersaults, and make up water dances. I ended up inventing interpretive dances as a jellyfish, a rainbow, fireworks, and more.

We completed the Girl's Getaway with a little shopping before I dropped her off at a friend's house for a sleep over and went home to pick up my husband.

That was fun, and too quick. There were about ten things more on our To Do list that we didn't get to, so Olivia and I are already thinking about our next Girl's Weekend!